So I was laying down in bed with an excruciating headache when my boyfriend offered to make me a sandwich and I was like yeah sure please and then for some reason he got distracted and started to talk about something else and my head was pounding so I said “Cool story, babe. Now go make me a sandwich.” and he just literally looked at me with his mouth open before he finally said “You win this time” and went out to the kitchen
At long last after years of hearing this annoying joke coming from men’s mouths and overpriced shirts I get to say it to a guy.
Here’s a photo of the lil bitch where he belongs.He is going to kill me when he sees this already has like 40 freaking notes
let’s make this go viral*whispers* what have I done….
I showed him the notes and he said “oh god i’m gonna be a meme.”
Your boyfriend reminds me of my husband. We’ve been together for 9 1/2 years, married for 7.
You keep him. You keep him and you never let him go.
Apparently my boyfriend is the love child of Anton Chekhov and Harry Styles
The people have spoken
My hand slipped.
The Nice-Guy-McSandwhich-Meme, use it, please:
Oh my god I love you guys so much
”- Why don’t you smile?
-Because I have an ugly smile.
-That’s impossible, when someone smiles, no matter what form have smile, or if your teeth are large, small, crooked… People just look beautiful when they smile, because we know that they are happy, and that’s what matters.”
teeth / smiles appreciation Animation
YOU FORGOT ONE
reblogging for that ^^
Red Velvet Ice Cream
That is the most evil looking ice cream I’ve ever seen.
I must have it.
okay okay but hear me out: wizarding tattoos
tattoos of cats that wind around your ankles, birds that fly across your back when you move, a wand that moves when you move your own wand, a map on the back of your hand that shows your current location
the possibilities are endless
"cool you have a cat tattoo can i see it?"
"uh i think it’s sleeping on my ass right now. maybe later."
comment from a person on youtube whose name i don’t remember.
this is how you make “gay jokes” folks
having two parents of any gender would suck because when u need one of them you’d be like “mom” and the wrong one will reply and you have to go “not you the OTHER one” and thats why if i marry a girl and we have kids she can be mom and i will be optimus prime
A Harry Potter AU where everything’s exactly the same, except the house elves look like Lord of the Rings elves and Dobby’s, like, played by Orlando Bloom. But they’re still not allowed to have clothes
orlando bloom hitting himself in the face with a lamp
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